Review: Skyline

     Every era in cinema history has its version of B-movies. Whether it is "Reefer Madness" of the 1930's, "Plan 9 from Outer Space" of the 1950's, "Silent Night, Deadly Night" of the 1980's, or "The Room" of the 2000's, no decade can escape the inevitable B-movie. As time goes on, I keep thinking there will be some point where the B-movie will disappear like some worn out old custom, because the evolved "modern man" will see how backwards and outdated movies with terrible acting and dialogue are. I mean, no one is "thrown into the gallows" anymore. We don't use torture devices like the iron maiden, we don't hold witch trials, and most countries don't even hang people in this day and age, so at what point can we permanently bury the B-movie. Well, for anyone hoping that this might be the decade where we could wave goodbye to the B-movie will be sorely disappointed, because now, even at this very early age of the 2010's, I can confirm this decade has at least one terrible B-movie in "Skyline".
  
     Where should I begin with "Skyline"? In all honesty, I could really just say, "'Skyline' is a terrible movie. Do yourself a favor, DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!" and that's all you really need to know, but that feels pretty lazy, so I will put in a little more effort in my review than the filmmakers did with the movie and try to breakdown why "Skyline" is total crap. Let's start with the story. "Skyline" is a typical alien invasion story that takes place in Los Angeles. The story focuses on Jarrod (Eric Balfour) and Elaine (Scottie Thompson), a boyfriend-girlfriend couple who fly out to Los Angeles to meet up and vacation with Jarrod's friend, Terry (Donald Faison). Terry is famous for some reason that is never made very clear (rap star I think?), and he shows Jarrod and Elaine what the high-life is like, even offering Jarrod a job to the dismay of the pregnant Elaine (a revelation meant to build drama, but instead is just laughable).

     All of this background story is absolutely inconsequential, as it is nothing more than obligatory filler to make the film acceptable movie length and let's the film makers say they at least tried to make a real film, with a real story. It would have been better though if they had just skipped any sort of dramatic aspirations whatsoever, because in reality, the film is about one thing and one thing only: slimy, glowing aliens that attract people with there awesome light and suck their brains out to power themselves. Yup, that's right, "Skyline" is about brain eating aliens (or zombie aliens as I like to say).

     At this point, you might be thinking, "Yeah okay, so the dramatic sections are useless and poorly done. It's a sci-fi film, it's not suppose to be Shakespeare. What matters is if the action sequences are any good." And sadly, the film strikes out on this account as well. All the set-ups are stereo-typical and over-played, failing to create one moment of suspense. The film is ridiculously predictable. I saw it with a friend, and their were six occasions where he accurately predicted something that occurred in the movie before it happened (including exact lines of dialogue!). If that doesn't give you an idea of how bad this movie is, then the only way your going to find out is to watch yourself, something I don't wish on any of my readers.

     The acting in the film is also atrocious. The two leads, Eric Balfour and Scottie Thompson are simply going threw the motions, getting by with the bare minimum in the charisma department. Donald Faison, playing Jarrod's friend Terry, plays his role to stereo-typical tee, offering nothing new or interesting in the "fated-to-die-black-guy" role. If you have not heard of any of these actors, don't feel bad, there is no reason you should have heard of any of them. There just a bunch of "TV role fill-ins" (although I believe Faison has a fairly large role in the show "Scrubs") who don't do anything to prove they should ever be anything more the small time television actors. In the actor's defense though, the dialogue in the movie is about as bad as it gets. Even Robert De Niro and Jack Nicholson in their prime would not have been able to do much with this script.

     The one thing the film obviously tried to focus on was the special effects, and while it isn't as bad as the other parts of the film, it's not all that impressive either. For one thing, when there is no motivation for   being interested in the story surrounding the special effects, the illusion of the effects fall flat and any weaknesses in the special effects are all the more glaring. The artistic design of the aliens is also pretty stupid, and the only parts of their design that are not dumb feel like they were taken directly from "District 9".

     "Skyline" is the worst movie I have seen this year. The main things that make cinema an art (Acting, Writing, and Directing) all get failing grades. About the only good thing I can say for this film is that it is fun to rag on. As I mentioned earlier, I saw the film with a friend and we were the only people in the theater, which allowed us to make jokes and mock the movie the whole way through, so I have to admit that I had a fun time watching the movie. Unless you can see "Skyline" in a private setting with some friends who like to joke around though, there is absolutely no use of this film to any human beings on the planet earth (who knows, maybe some aliens could appreciate it, but I sure hope they're more intelligent than that!).


Rating: 3/10


Christopher Lominac